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March 26, 2008
Interruptions seem to be an integral part of motherhood. Just as I plunge my hands into a sink of dirty dishwater, my daughter tells me that the baby needs his diaper changed. Or a toddler comes and says he needs his shoe tied. Or wants his bumped head kissed. As my children grow older, the types of interruptions change. Happy seven-year-olds want to prattle about everything under the sun just as I reach the most suspenseful chapter in the mystery I'm reading; emotional teenagers will want to talk and sob and talk some more just as I'm getting ready for bed (so I'm told they will; we don't have any teens yet in my house). I'm sure that as long as I own a telephone, my children will manage to rearrange my scheduled day as blithely as they do now. Nor do mothers have a copyright on interruptions; every office worker who uses a phone — and everyone under the sun who carries a cell phone — can recognize the extreme annoyance that interruptions can bring.
Yet, in rebelling against interruptions, are we not in danger of missing a supreme opportunity of gaining grace? Interruptions are the perfect antidote to self-will. Whether we enjoy what we're doing or not, we don't like to have our focus disrupted — especially if we don't like what we're doing because then we have to muster up all our self-discipline to tackle the project all over again. So interruptions offer us a prime opportunity to submit our will to the good Lord's. Sometimes it's hard to know His will. Should I bake my husband's favorite dessert or call a sick friend or dust the house? All are good and worthy activities, and we may not have time for them all. Which is God's will for us? So often we pick whatever we most feel like doing. That's our self-will acting. But then we're interrupted. When we hear a toddler call "Done!" from the bathroom, we know what God's will is for us at that moment. We don't have to ask any questions.
Like a nun in a convent when she hears the bell ring, we must drop whatever we're doing and go do something else. St. Therese of Lisieux would not even finish dotting an "i" or crossing a "t" if the convent bell rang to summon her to some other duty. She wanted to render perfect obedience to God, and she knew that He was commanding her through the convent bell and through her superiors. It can be difficult to hear the voice of God in the whiney voice of a child — or in the shrill ring of a phone — or alarm clock - but we must try. Because it's there.
When we feel tempted to complain, "I can't get anything done around here!" because of all our interruptions, it's a good time to ask ourselves, "Why are you trying to get something done?" We most likely would respond, "I'm cleaning and cooking for my husband and children, of course!" But are we? If we are, then we shouldn't mind when our husband or children interrupt us with their needs. And if we answer, "I'm doing all this for God; after all, I said my morning offering today!" then we have even less reason to complain. So what if our plan for the day has been thwarted? His plan is never thwarted. Every interruption is allowed by His all-powerful and all-seeing goodness. When we become irritated at interruptions, we see the impurity of our intentions. We realize we were not really working to please our families or to please God, but to please ourselves.
Interruptions seem like such little things, and yet how often we allow them to alter our mood! We blame them for our failures in our work, and we allow them to make us irritable, sometimes even frantic, for the remainder of the day! We let interruptions destroy our interior peace. Yet if we could conquer our own will in these little things, how much easier to conquer our wills in the bigger things! The saints tell us that to grow closer to God, we must annihilate our own will and self-love and fill ourselves with love of God. Let's thank God for interruptions, as we offer up each one as joyfully as we can, for the salvation of our own souls and those of our family.
Agnes - what a lovely article. At the moment we have three teens and yes, they interupt but it is so worth our time to pay attention. I will strive today to thank God for all our interuptions - the ones from younger children and from the older ones :-)
Submitted by Sabine_s on Thu, 03/27/2008 - 7:00am.
I don't have children and I'm not married, but this was an eye-opening article for me. I never thought to look beyond the moment when interrupted. Thank you for including St. Therese....a great illustration of obedience and how to respond.
Submitted by lmalteagles on Thu, 03/27/2008 - 7:07am.
After two days with a daughter with stomach flu and not enough sleep, this was a timely reminder.
Submitted by ekbell on Thu, 03/27/2008 - 3:43pm.
Claire,
Just an opinion here, so take it for what it's worth (which may not be much). I'm sure you're getting opinions from all sides!
But I learned (finally) with my 1st that around 3 months, these babes seem no longer to want to sleep during their naps. By 5 months it was about to drive me batty. (3 naps a day at only 30 minutes?!?)
A friend told me about a book, that I have to say has been a life saver for me. On Becoming Babywise by Ezzo.
I have to say, I didn't have the heart to implement their ideas (except for order of eat/play/sleep) until the babies were more like 6 to 8 weeks old.
My then-5-month old finally learned how to take 90 minute naps 3 times a day (instead of just 30). They all slept through the night by about 4 months. Once they went to 1 nap a day (around 18 months), they all took 2 to 3 hours naps until they were 5. (Well, my youngest is 4, so she's still taking her naps.)
Potty training? That's another question that I don't have down. But I got the sleep thing down pat.
Give it a read. Take what makes sense. The bottom line is...Order of eat/play/sleep (this is the biggest key). Get them to learn how to get themselves down for their naps and stay down (they wake up around 30 minutes at the end of a sleep cycle, and they have to figure out how to stay asleep). Once they are sleeping during the day, the nighttime sleep will come. Sleep is so good for them. They will be so much happier (and so will you!).
God bless you!
— Loretta
p.s...The Ezzos actually come from a bit of a controversial background. Pretty much all of that has been removed from these books (like advocating corporal punishment, etc.). The books as they are, I think, are excellent.
Submitted by lpioch on Thu, 03/27/2008 - 4:54pm.
Thanks for the advice, Ipioch. Jeffrey actually sleeps very well at night; he goes to bed at 9pm, I feed him before midnight, and then he sleeps till 7 am. But like your kids used to, he wakes up after a catnap and can't seem to get himself back to sleep. He knows how to fall asleep on his own, but during the day he's reluctant to do it, and he sleeps much more lightly than at night. I honestly think he would be a much better napper if he slept on his stomach, but because of his high risk for SIDS (he's not breastfed, his birthmother smoked during the pregnancy, he was low birthweight, etc), we have to go by the book and put him to sleep on his back. So every little noise wakes him up, and then his arms start flailing around and he wakes himself up even more. If he were sleeping on his stomach, he would sleep more deeply and his arms wouldn't flail around and his naps would probably last longer. Some people have good luck with swaddling, but Jeffrey just gets mad when I swaddle him. But I keep reminding myself that I really can't complain when he sleep so well at night. I will consider the book that you recommended. You're right that he would be so much more content if he got the sleep he needs (and so would I).
Submitted by Claire on Thu, 03/27/2008 - 7:01pm.
The Holy Spirit must have been leading me, b/c I just happened upon this article. I have been lamenting interruptions all week long, as I try to complete this current graduate class while tending to a 5, 3, and 2m old. :) I really needed it!
Submitted by ltayler on Sat, 03/29/2008 - 1:59pm.
How true! My baby is only 11 weeks old, but I'm already all too familiar with the inevitable interruptions of motherhood. At this stage, it's the fact that his naps are very, very short; I'm rarely able to finish anything I start before he wakes up! I guess this is just the beginning.